I Am Not Okay With This – Book Review

I Am Not Okay With This by author Charles Forsman

This review will cover spoilers they start in the section labeled “how does I Am Not Okay With This end?” so you can avoid them if you’d like. It’s just the kind of book where you absolutely have to discuss the ending.

I Am Not Okay With This is a simply drawn graphic novel that has since been turned into a Netflix series. I have not seen the Netflix series, I therefore have no opinion on it or whether it’s better or worse than the book. I read the comic book and that’s what I’ll cover.

That said, judging by the reviews I read on Goodreads a lot of people who like the TV series really hate the book. That’s not the typical opinion for readers but I Am Not Okay With This seems to be quite polarizing. I can understand why but first I’m going to tell you about the book and then we’ll break down why a lot of the reviews are hating for the wrong reasons.

What is I Am Not Okay With This About?

The book stars Sydney, a very depressed teenager who happens to have some weird mind control powers. She doesn’t fully understand what they are or how best to use them but she knows that she can cause some physical harm to people just by thinking about it. The teenage dream.

The book follows Sydney as she navigates a less than ideal puberty. She experiments with drugs and sex and generally attempts to fill the void she is feeling. Her coping mechanisms are unhealthy but not unrealistic. It’s a fairly honest examination of the most confusing and hormonal years of a person’s life. It may not be a universal experience but whether you like it or not it is an accurate one for many young people.

She’s secretly in love with her best friend Dina, she doesn’t understand her bisexuality, she’s grieving her father’s death, and puberty is bringing on more weird changes than just the telekinesis thing. The book is about trauma and how to overcome it when you don’t have any support system whatsoever. Although it is about these things it is not advice! This is a story not a guide.

How does I Am Not Okay With This end?

In the end of the book Sydney decides that the only way to stop herself from hurting people with her telekinetic powers is to kill herself. She uses her mind powers to explode her own head.

What people don’t like about I Am Not Okay With This and why they’re wrong

Yes, this is just my opinion. Yes, other people are entitled to theirs. Yes, I still think a lot of the complaints are invalid and you should still read this book and decide for yourself. There will be spoilers involved here, I’m sorry but there’s not other way to talk about it.

It’s ugly

This is the valid complaint in my opinion. Charles Forsman has a distinctively simple drawing style. It’s primitive and the characters often look very similar to one another. Ugly faces, barely any hair, slouched posture, etc. But this is a style choice and the crudeness of the drawings does seem to match the characters personalities so it’s easy to move past.

Depictions of Suicide

Apparently some readers think that just because suicide is present in a story that it’s being glorified. That’s simply not true. Although that argument could be made for another fiction turned Netflix series, Thirteen Reasons Why, I Am Not Okay With This does not support suicide in any way.

The entire book is very clear that Sydney is not a role model and not to be imitated. She makes terrible decisions. So when she decides to kill herself it is not because that’s what other teenagers should do. She thinks that this is the only way to keep herself from hurting others and takes an impulsive course of action. It is absolutely shocking to the reader in how impulsive it is and that is effective at showcasing the nature of many suicides in real life.

Yes, it is framed as the character doing it for a good reason but that still doesn’t say it’s the best thing she could have done. Furthermore, the book ends right there. That finality also demonstrates the permanency of suicide and how there is no coming back and resuming the story. To me, this all does more good than harm and people are missing the point. A lack of media literacy is a serious plague today.

Men writing women

The concept of complaining about men writing women is usually geared toward objectification. Male authors who spend an entire page describing a female character’s breasts but not her personality or motivations are ripe for mocking.

In the case of I Am Not Okay With This I was seeing reviews going far past that and saying that no male author should write from a female perspective and they should all step aside to let female authors tell the stories. I can’t even articulate how bullshit and stupid that is, but I’ll try.

First, I highly doubt these same people would dare to say that female authors shouldn’t write from male perspectives and I’ve never seen that argument before so I’d say this point is automatically moot. Writing from a different perspective than your own increases understanding and sensitivity and should be encouraged, not vilified.

Second, this argument is only made when someone doesn’t like the book. In cases where a male author writes a female and they like the book it’s suddenly oh how enlightened and progressive he is!

The next part of this complaint is that the protagonist’s experience isn’t coming from the author’s personal experience so he can’t write about it. The fuck even is that? I saw so many complaints saying that since Forsman is a straight, cis, white male he’s not allowed to write from the perspective of a bisexual woman. Okay, well by that logic I never want to see an author write about riding dragons unless they’ve tamed one themselves. Nonsense.

It’s fiction! It comes from a place of creativity and imagination. The author made a choice that the character should be a girl and put himself in her shoes. He also isn’t telekinetic but nobody’s mentioning that. Additionally, if he wrote a male they’d probably be harping that the book isn’t diverse and we need more female protagonists.

Even more, I am a bisexual female who dealt with depression, self harm, and a dead father as a teen. I am that girl with that experience and I think he nailed it. So get off your soapbox and stop virtue signaling when you don’t know what you’re talking about either.

In Conclusion

Some of my favorite stories are the most depressing ones. I don’t read upbeat idealized romances for a reason. They’re fake. I Am Not Okay With This may have some supernatural elements but it otherwise rings true. Life is not easy, life is full of pain and torment and awful awful people that you can’t help but fantasize about murdering sometimes.

I fall on the pretty darn left side of the political spectrum but complaints about this book are why moderates and conservatives hate libs. It’s the cancel culture trigger warning hardcore snowflake types who have never experienced trauma for themselves so they don’t even know how to handle it when they see it in a book.

I initially was going to give this book 4 stars but felt the need to bump it 5, mostly out of spite. Plus, the more I think about it the more I like it and that’s usually a good sign. I’d love for you to read it and argue with me about it. I think everyone is going to have a strong opinion about this one.

5/5 minds blown 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

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